T. SHEA

Midwest Manners.

Can’t Hardly Wait

Some deft 90’s era cultural analysis and research courtesy of Katie Baker and Grantland on the teen classic “Can’t Hardly Wait.” I wouldn’t put it above “10 Things I Hate About You,” but this cheap, sugary film has aged well.

I sat here, day after Christmas, flipping through Joe Brown and Levy, Phillips & Konigsburg asbestos-litigation commercials, when I came across what I think is the catalyst for the rash of teen flicks in the late 1990’s: Can’t Hardly Wait. Jennifer Love Hewitt in her prime (and when promise rings meant something), the great Ethan Embry, Jamie Pressly dressed similar to her My Name is Earl character, Lauren Ambrose pre-Six Feet Under, Peter Fascinelli, the Swedish exchange student&  I believe this movie influenced everything that came after it. (American Pie was great, but the virginity thing was just one of like six storylines in Can’t Hardly Wait.) I don’t think the movie gets its proper due. Your thoughts?

— Ryan P.

John Hughes just rolled over in his grave. Still, I completely agree that when it comes to that specific late-’90s era of high school films, Can’t Hardly Wait was superior to comparables like She’s All That and 10 Things I Hate About You (although the latter earns additional ’90s points by virtue of a Shakespeare-derived plot).

Can’t Hardly Wait was a movie so dimly star-studded that Jenna Elfman, Melissa Joan Hart, Jerry O’Connell, and Breckin Meyer were all in it … in uncredited roles. The credited actors are even more amusing to see: Selma Blair played the part of “Girl Mike Hits On #1.” Jason Segel made his debut appearance, before Freaks and Geeks, as “Watermelon Guy.” The movie included not one but two songs by Smash Mouth. I still compare a certain kind of person to Trip McNeely. And of course, the beer has gone bad, nobody drink the beer. I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS! (That actor, by the way, went to MIT and Yale Law and is now the subject of headlines like “President Obama nominates Professor Korsmo for key administration post.” It’s just like the plot of the film!)

A few other thoughts on this movie and others in its important genre:

  • If it/they came out while you were actually in high school, congratulations: You belong to the forgotten demographic of humans who are neither Gen X nor Millennials, and you are doomed to a lifetime of being unfairly lumped in with kids who are currently 14 years old.
  • Perusing IMDb for the last 45 minutes has yielded sentences like “[Larisa Oleynik’s] big break came when she was eight. She had gotten the part of young Cosette in a production of “Les Miserables.” Her costar was Rider Strong, playing Gavroche.”
  • I know it’s a cliche that youth is wasted on the young, etc., etc., but as I sit here thinking about a movie based entirely around one epic high school house party, I’m getting upset that it’s mainly 16- and 17-year-olds who get to experience the sublime wonder. Sure, when you get older you can still race-drink beer out of ice cube trays through straws while two people you’ve known since first grade fondle each other three feet away; declare seven different people your “new favorite person” over six different joints; squirrel away a tray of pizza bagels and a six-pack of beer in someone’s mom’s bathroom for later consumption; wake up on a pool chair, wipe the drool off your mouth, and mix yourself whatever’s left of the ginger ale and vodka; or hide in the woods wearing only a towel until the cops’ flashlights retreat into the distance. You can still do all those things, sure, but you’ll never again do them all on the same night.

  1. tomshea posted this